#5 Play piano at least twice a month

With a heavy heart, I admit that this healthy and happy goal has not made it off the ground.  So this blog post is either going to be about trying to figure out why or coming up with the excuses I am telling myself why not.  

Firstly, the opportunity to play is there.   I am housesitting in a place with a piano and previously was at my parents' house where my electric piano is being stored.  I am also working part time so I have time and all I was asking myself to commit to was 2X/month.  I didn't even specify a time frame (ie 15 minutes would have been fine).  

So was it the right thing to do to put it on the list if I can't muster 15 minutes 2X/month?  I took piano lessons for 5 years in my thirties and really enjoyed it. What is stopping me now?  Is it because piano is  something that you can't just do twice/month if you want to feel competent? And if I don't feel competent at something...am I happy still doing it?  A-ha.  This answer came a lot quicker than I thought and this blog post is now starting to sound like something that is way bigger than a desire to play piano.

So let me share something with you that I wrote on a discussion board in the mindful self compassion course that I have been taking the last 6 weeks.

I have been struggling with my inner critic for probably 25 years but really didn’t even recognize this until this past year. My inner critic strives for approval from others but even when I receive some form of acceptance or acknowledgement, it (the inner critic) can always find a reason that I am still "not good enough".

I am recognizing now that the only purpose my inner critic serves is to keep me on this never ending treadmill of constantly doing more and more and more and more. I am either an anxious mess that is always trying to find ways to distract myself from those painful feelings of shame or I am resentful of all the things in my life that I keep giving myself to but never feel like I am getting the support or the acknowledgement or love that I need so I can feel I am worthy.

Slowly (and not without bumps and hiccups and resistance and still wanting painful feelings to go away), I am starting to see that the acceptance and love and support has to come from that other voice that I didn’t even know I had but has quietly and patiently started to make herself heard.

So I think what I am trying to say is that I may need re-evaluate both how I see the things that I want to do to be happy as well as how I can give compassion  to myself in things I am doing.  It might be time to sit down at that piano stool and find the courage to listen to the voice that is loving and patient.  Who recognizes the beauty in the music as opposed to the mistakes I am making.  The voice who loves and accepts me despite or even because of my mistakes and is going to sit beside me for 15 minutes or 5 hours if that is what I need. And if after our little piano session, I still am not feeling it my compassionate voice will say "that's okay - you are still worthy of love whether you play well, play not so well or don't play at all and I will be right here whatever you decide.

#4 walk/bus/bike/car pool

I think I need reminding about this one more than any others so far.  And cold weather or a snow storm or "lack of time" always seems to be a good excuse to just jump in the car.  So this is going to be a work in progress not only for 2019 but for 2020, 2021...  If I can set a long term goal in the middle of this 2019 Healthy and Happy for 2021, it will be to get rid of the car (because then I can't just jump into it).  But for now, the job I am in and committed to doing until spring 2020 relies on me having a car.

So here is what I've tried to do.  (Again keeping in mind I currently work part time and have no kids).

Day to day errands

If I am only going to town for one thing and the weather is at least -20 degrees or warmer, I bus there and walk home (about a 15 minute bus ride and a 60 minute walk).  I think if the bus ran more frequently (rather than every 2 hours), I would try and take it home too.  But the city would need more riders to increase its frequency and me not taking it when it is too cold (or choosing to walk home when it is warm) is not increasing their ridership.

If someone else is going to town, I try to arrange a carpool.  Sometimes this feels like I am putting someone else out or inflicting my own healthy and happy/environmental values on them.  Definitely a tricky one.  But it has worked...sometimes.

If it really is just too cold (and I only wanted to do one thing).  I just don't go and wait until the next day.  This will not work all the time but has worked for me twice so far.

Now there always the times that I still drive my car (not with another person) because of multiple errands or transporting a dog to the rescue organization I volunteer with.  Work in progress and this is what I've got so far so bear with me.

Trips

Interesting that I start this goal after Greyhound stops all service in northwestern Ontario (and west_.  I looked into Kasper Transportation (who have sort of stepped in to fill the void in northwestern Ontario) when I went from Kenora to Thunder Bay in January.  But it was going to cost me $500 return and an extra 2 hours to get there as I would have to go Kenora to Sioux Lookout and then Sioux Lookout to Thunder Bay.  So with a heavy heart, I didn't do it.  I did try and post my ride (and offer a carpool opportunity) on Poparide but no luck (but I didn't post the option on Facebook - I am still a bit anti Facebook which obviously is not helping this goal...).

I also tried to take a Kasper Transportation to Red Lake but their online booking system would either not let me choose Red Lake as an option or had "no available dates" when I was able to choose it.  I sent them 2 messages but got not response.  I didn't call though and ended up just jumping in the car (posting my ride on Poparide but not Facebook...).  Work in progress.

Work

My current job requires me to drive to people's homes for my work.  I like my work but I do feel this is really going against this goal so I think there is going to come a time that I need to change my job or change the way I do my job (not sure if I can walk/bike/bus and carpool to people's homes but...maybe?).  Healthy and Happy goal for 2020?  Yeah, I think so.  

So walk/bus/bike/car pool is definitely a work in progress with a lot of layers and lot more work to be done.   This blog has reminded me of what I can do differently in the future - posting rides of Facebook and what I need to do differently in the future - figuring out a job that does not require me using a car every day.  Stay tuned...

#3 yoga and/or stretching 5 days/week

So here's the deal.  I am working part time, I don't have kids, my husband is still travelling and I am living rent free because I am housesitting.  This makes for a fair amount of free time.  However 2 books and a few pelvic health workshops have been helpful in getting this stretching habit to stick which I am hoping will then continue on when I go back to work full time and have a few more commitments that will take up time. 

So the first book I feel I need to acknowledge in helping me with this habit is Gretchen Rubin's Better Than Before which is all about habits (thank you again Healthy and Happy creator and good friend for lending me the book). I don't know if I loved the book while I was reading it but it definitely made me (and continues to make me) think about my habits.  If I really want to do something (ie stretching because I keep injuring myself) then how can I prioritize the time into my day to do it? So with stretching, I tried to use a few strategies from Gretchen's book -  safe guards, convenience and scheduling.

So first off, I put 5 days/week instead of 7 as my goal so as not to put pressure on myself to do it everyday because in past experiences, if I failed at doing it daily, I gave up on the whole process.  I think Gretchen would call this safe guarding (if I miss a day, it is okay because my goal is only want to do 5 days/week). Secondly, I started with 3 stretches for 3 minutes each so approximately 10 minutes total.  I can do 10 minutes. So I am thinking this is the convenience strategy because I am making it easy to do right by only committing to 10 minutes (as opposed to a 1 hour online yin yoga class).  Then as the stretching often calmed me a bit, I did it at night so this was scheduling.  

The second book is How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price.  I haven't actually read the book yet but I did listen to Dan Harris interview her on his 10% Happier podcast and I thought if I could decrease my addiction to my phone and my need to respond right away to emails/texts or alerts, then maybe I could use the time I saved to stretch.  Breaking up with my phone is still a work in progress and I could probably argue that it might still be that I have more time in not working full time that is really making the most impact but I still found the concept of this book inspiring.

The last thing that I think provided the motivation was the Pelvic Health Workshops I have attended recently.  I have been fortunate to be in my home town when these free workshops have been taking place.  Run by a pelvic health physiotherapist, they definitely give me more appreciation for core strength and flexibility.  I had worked with a pelvic health physiotherapist before (I was peeing/leaking when I sneezed) but had sort of resolved the issue with some exercises.  However there is something about trying to further prevent incontinence as I get older that really gave me the motivation I needed to get started with the stretching (if you want to know how they are related, you need to talk to a pelvic health physiotherapist who will do a way better job explaining it then I will on this blog). And then once I was able to make the stretching into somewhat of a habit, the stretching itself felt really good.  So I feel like this is similar to Dan Harris' argument about starting meditation.  In his Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics book, he and Jeff Warren advise to start it, start small, use dailyish as a goal, try to do it for 3 weeks and then see if the benefits of doing it start to take over as something you feel you want to do as opposed to have to do. (I am sure Gretchen Rubin talks about this in her books as well).  So thank you Gretchen, Jeff, Dan and of course my friend!

Oh but what about yoga?  I included yoga in case I did yoga and that it could then count as my stretching but for right now, stretching seems to be what I want to do so yoga may have to wait for 2020. 

#2 Eat more vegetables

Or more specifically, aat at least 4 servings more of vegetables per week.  

So I have a confession.  I randomly chose 4 for no other reason than it would mean 1 more serving/day every 2nd day. And another thing, I have no idea how many servings I eat now.  So is my#2 healthy and happy goal measurable?  Sure!  But am I going to measure it?  Probably not.  Although never say never.  I have started meal planning so saving those and totaling up veggie servings wouldn't be hard.  I just don't know if I will actually do it. 

So why do I feel like am meeting this goal if I am not measuring my veggies servings?

1) It is winter so it is all about stews, soups and casseroles and when it comes to soups - the chunkier (ie the more vegetables) the better for me.

2) I haven't been worried about getting my protein as much (I am a vegetarian so this may be a problem down the road).  I am not buying the soya strips or veggie tips or ground round or tofu (although I did just buy a block of tofu to try my friend's tofu chili recipe because it was amazing when she made it for me).  And not that the meat alternatives aren't tasty but they all come in single use plastic (which I am trying to cut down on). So instead the stews and soups and casseroles are filled with sweet potatoes, lentils or beans and veggies.

3)  I've been eating supper foods for breakfast.  Not everyday but some days (and probably enough days to add at least 2 veggie servings/week). Why? The recipes I am making for dinner make huge portions.  This isn't a problem - I love leftovers - but sometimes I just think, well, why not?

So again, no scientific evidence supporting that I will actually attain this goal but for now, I feel there are more vegetables in my life.

#1 Make more food from scratch

So for everyone who has known me well in the past 10 years, knows that my husband (Mike) does all of the cooking.  Yes I can make myself breakfast and I like to bake but lunch was leftovers (from whatever Mike made the night before) and supper was whatever Mike was making that night.  I had a few go to meals that I could make up if I was feeling really motivated but the majority of the time, I came home from work and dinner was cooking.

So after ending my vanbatical early (see vanbatical blog if you want to learn more about the vanbatical), I found myself with some free time, a desire to actually spend time cooking (and inspiration from cookbook recipe books such as Oh She Glows) and continued motivation to make a difference by decreasing my plastic/carbon/human foot print.  So cooking "from scratch" seemed like the logical next step.

So being 1 week into 2019.  Here is where I am at: 

Home made dog biscuits (I used to make these but for some reason stopped doing it).  They aren't super hard and so far Maverick finds them pretty tasty.

A freezer bag (reused) full of veggie scraps so I can make my own veggie stock/broth (stay tuned for how this turns out).   (I consulted a few websites who all recommended sticking to carrots, onions, garlic, celery and fresh herbs; limiting other vegetables like peppers and peas; and avoiding potatoes and squash).

Working on finding a good (but relatively healthy) bread recipe.  I think I have the white bread down but struggle when I start adding rye or whole wheat flour.  Home made Naan and tortilla are also fun. And what it seems to come down to is planning for the "rising time".

Dried black beans and lentils.  These seem to be the easiest to rehydrate although I may still give kidney beans another try.  Chickpeas took forever.  And not that buying them from a can isn't making things from scratch but it does create waste (as Zero Waste Home will tell you that recycling is still waste) so I've been trying to buy the dried stuff in bulk.

Veggie burgers.  Things we always bought and kept in the freezer I am now trying to make on my own.  I likely wouldn't be BBQ'ing the ones I am making just yet but they have been pretty tasty so far (just a little crumbly at times).

As a side note to these posts, I can almost start to relate to self help book authors.  How do you share your ideas in a way that says you are still learning (ie don't have all the answers) but hey, here is an idea someone might want to try but this might not work for everyone because everyone is different.  It's challenging finding that right tone.  Definitely still learning on the blogging front too.  

What is fifteen for 2019?

A very good friend of mine told me about Gretchen Rubin's suggestion of striving to do 18 things to get done for 2018.  Because 19 for 2019 and 20 for 2020 started feeling overwhelming, her and her aunt decided on 15 for 2019.  Brilliantly, they used 15 letters to create 3 words "Health and Happy".  So they picked fifteen Healthy and Happy things to start doing/continue doing or strive to do in 2019.

Having never been a new year's resolution person but also embarking on a LOT of self development recently, I wanted to join in.  When I looked at my #6, (start another blog and post once/week), I thought what a great opportunity to write about my fifteen for 2019 AND check off #6!  (and honestly, when your days are filled with self help books and podcasts, what else do you really write about?).

So here goes....my 15 healthy and happy things I want to do for 2019.

1. make more food from scratch

2. eat at least 4 servings more of vegetables than I do now (thank you Gretchen Rubin - Better Than Before)

3. yoga and/or stretching 5 days/week

4. walk/bus/bike/car pool for leisure and errands as much as possible

5. play piano at least twice a month

6. start another blog and post once/week

7. do at least two races (cross country skiing, mountain bike, trail run)

8. do an overnight hike not with my husband

9. volunteer at least twice/month

10. learn a new skill

11. sew at least twice/month

12. start work at 8:30 am, end work at 3:00 pm consistently

13. follow Dan Pink's advice and schedule my day around my most alert/energetic times, creative times and less alert times

14. come home every 3 months for at least 4 days

15. develop a financial plan/budget and start saving money for retirement